Steve and Marcia Swann just celebrated 30 years of marriage May 27. On that day 30 years ago, Steve became not only a husband, but a dad as well.
Marcia's son, Caleb, was nine months old.
Three years later they welcomed a daughter, Sarah.
"My wife wanted more, but apparently God said two was enough," Steve said.
The couple soon learned God didn't think two was enough - He just had another path for them as foster parents.
"The Bible said you should care for the widows and orphans, and there are a lot of kids out there who, through no fault of their own, are in a terrible situation," Steve said. "So if we could help, we wanted to help. We started fostering kids when we lived in South Dakota. We were busy for awhile."
Steve and Marcia would end up being foster parents to 21 children. Most of them were in their home temporarily. And one just kind of "stuck".
And that's where Candice comes in.
"Candice is the middle child age wise, but the last child time wise," Steve said. "Candice came to us when she was 16 and eight months pregnant through the foster system. There is nothing legally that she is ours or by blood, but we claim her. She's one of ours - we have shirts to prove it."
When fostering children, according to Steve, the plan is when their birth parents "get their lives together" the children will go back home.
"Candice's situation was a little different," he said. "We fostered her when she was 16 until she turned 18."
So what was it like being "dad" to so many children?
"In the beginning it was really hard," Steve said. "I knew everything about women when I was single. I knew everything about how people should raise their kids before I had any. So, I thought I knew everything, but I had to be humbled."
And it was his son Caleb, who had to go through the "dad training process first".
"My son had to go through the training process as dad was trying to learn how to lead and raise up kids," Steve said. "I started to grow in patience and understanding later. In the beginning it was more 'this is what we do in our house - we follow the rules'. I wasn't gracious enough in the beginning. If I was to talk to a dad today, I would tell them to learn how to be more gracious. To put your relationship with your child over the rules."
Steve did what he could to prepare for his roles as father and husband.
"I was a high school teacher when we got married," Steve said. "I had always heard the man is the spiritual leader of the home. (Up until that time) I had not seen it in action. I decided I needed to learn how I can be a good spiritual husband and dad."
How did he decide to learn? Steve went to seminary.
"I went to seminary not because I wanted to become a pastor," Steve said. "I went to seminary to learn how to be a good husband and father. I was there for about a year and a half. I wasn't planning to become a minister - I just wanted to be a good dad and a good husband. I went back to teaching."
Foster kids in the Swann home ranged in age from newborn to teenagers.
How did Caleb and Sarah take all of the extras?
"When they were younger they really liked it," Steve said. "Sarah just had the heart for it. We fostered kids for a long time. Caleb helped with the little ones. Sarah was my gatekeeper. It had to pass her approval. If she didn't connect with them, she could say yes or no - no explanation needed."
What was the hardest thing about being a foster dad?
"They don't have the background of knowing how to function," Steve said. "It was hard to see some of the spiritual darkness some of the kids came out of. We had some in South Dakota who would go outside and pick up pine cones and put them in the windows. I would come home and wonder why we had pine cones in the windows and would throw them away. When I came back - they were there again. Apparently pine cones are supposed to keep the evil spirits or ghosts away."
Teaching the foster kids, however, according to Steve, was rewarding.
"I was frustrated with the system some times because they would have the kids go back before they should to their mom and dad - they weren't really ready," Steve said.
Steve and Marcia don't take in foster kids any more, but they stay busy with grandchildren.
Caleb and his wife, Kailey, have two children. They live in Wichita. Candice and her husband, Bobby, have three children. They live in Satanta. Sarah and her husband Tim, live in Spokane, Wash.
Just recently, Steve was attending ballgames and a dance recital for Candice's children.
"They call us nana and papa," Steve said. "We went to the dance recital the other day that a granddaughter was in - it was super cute."
Being a dad to the "three" was very rewarding and fun as well.
"We had a ball," Steve said. "We went camping and backpacking. That was some of our favorite things to do. We also played cards, board games and role playing games. We also play games with the grandkids and like to read to them. Marcia does a lot of the reading, but I will be in the room and listen."
Being a dad when they are young is rewarding, but it continues as they grow in to adults.
"I know a lot of people say you get to see the rewards when you get grandkids," Steve said. "But I also like my kids - not just my grandkids. I like Caleb, Candice, Sarah and their spouses - just connecting with them is very rewarding."
Steve is proud of all of his children.
"Caleb was a pleaser," Steve said. "He wanted to learn. And then, high school came - the teenage years. As an adult he is a worker. He has a great work ethic and takes care of his family. Sarah was super girly. She had a massive conversion when she came to know Christ and her thought process was 'I'm going to do this right.'
"Candice - when we first got her she was super introverted and very reserved. She kept her distance. I didn't even hug her for three or four months. One day we had a talk and I said 'you see how we do in our family. You see I hug my kids every night - you're in my house. You are one of mine. Are you okay if I start hugging you now?' She said okay and that's all it took. She's gone from being very quiet to joining dance at the school. She gets involved. It is neat to see her and her husband be so heavily involved in church."
Steve has a different outlook on being a dad than some might have.
"People say being a dad or a mom is the best job in the world - it's not a job," he said. "It's a phase you go through. Your intensity changes. When they are little you have to be on point, but then as they grow and change it's really neat to see them mature and become the adults that they are. I don't look through baby books going, 'aww wasn't that the good old days.' I don't do that. I love my kids where they are at today. I don't look back and say I wish they were this or that.... no, I'm going to love them the way they are now with all their warts, idiosyncrasies and character flaws, just like i want them to love me with all of mine. Our relationship now with them as adults is very good."
Steve adopted Caleb after marrying Marcia. When he was old enough to understand, they told him he was adopted.
"I told him I adopted you, God adopts us, I chose you," Steve said.
When Caleb was around 17 or 18, Steve asked him if he would like to meet his birth father. Caleb said yes, and Steve and Marcia pulled out photographs and letters.
"I ended up calling his birth father and told him Caleb wants to meet you," Steve said. "When Caleb got married his birth dad was there, too. We all sat at the same table. We should be able to get along just fine and we do."
Although not a typical family, the Swanns have a lot of love and Steve is proud to call them all his children.
"I adopted Caleb, we gave birth to Sarah and Candice is mine," Steve said.
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