I believe it can be done differently

When you lose someone you care about it is never easy. But when you lose that person due to the actions of another - it's a whole other story.

One thing I have noticed in my 40 years of covering media stories, is what happens in a court hearing involving someone who has lost someone for just that reason. On one side is the family and friends of the one lost and on the other side of the courtroom is the family and friends of the accused.

I remember one particular case I covered involving the death of a young woman. Her common-law husband was about to be sent back to prison for violating his parole. He talked the judge on the case in to letting him have some time to go and tell his family goodbye before he reported to the jail. Because, after all, it was Christmas time.

The accused went to the home he once shared with the young woman - someone he had been convicted of abusing in the past. It has been so long ago, I don't remember all the particulars of the why, but ultimately he ended up choking the life out of her and sexually assaulting her. He left her lifeless body on her bathroom floor.

Then, the man went "riding around" with the woman's brother who had no clue his sister lay dead inside her home. When the man was brought to trial for charges of her murder, that is the scene before me - his supporters on one side and hers on the other.

A major difference in the two sides? One side was shedding tears of pain and loss while the other was laughing and enjoying their visit. The accused even got down on the floor and played with his and the victim's small son.

I watched until I could watch no more. You could feel the pain of those who had suffered a loss no one should have to suffer just by listening to their sobbing and seeing their faces. I told the deputy in the courtroom that as a former law enforcement employee I didn't think the accused was supposed to be able to have a visit like that in the courtroom. In fact, where I have worked in the past they were not even allowed to communicate with those in the audience.

The deputy immediately had the man return to his seat and the child was returned to the man's family. If looks could kill - I wouldn't be here today from what I was getting from the accused and his supporters.

But, I did not care. I wanted in some small way to ease some of the pain the victim's family was experiencing.

Recently, I had another family express their feelings when they saw the accused in their family's loss doing much the same - visiting and smiling with their supporters in the courtroom.

Yes, accused are innocent until proven guilty.

Yes, law enforcement does what they can to keep things calm and peaceful even in very stressful situations.

But - there should some rules that are not broken. If someone is accused of such a heinous crime as taking the life of another, they should not be allowed to have a family reunion when they are supposed to be facing judgment as to their guilt or innocence. Visiting is for visiting hours at the facility they are being house in - not for the courtroom where the victims family and friends and sometimes the victim themselves are present.

The justice system should not be adding to the grief already being felt by someone who has lost so much if there is a way to avoid doing so. And, in the case of "visitation" I believe it can be done differently.

What should be done? The accused is brought in to the courtroom. They sit down at the defense table. They only speak to their counsel or if the judge or guard speaks to them. It's not rocket science. And it would be very easy to follow this guide and help ease suffering from those who have been victimized enough already.

There is a reason they are standing trial. Again, they could be found innocent. However they are not on vacation. They are not there for a family reunion. They are there because they have been accused of doing something to someone else. The ultimate taking or attempt to take of a life.

Their focus should be in proving their innocence if in fact they are - not in having a good time at someone else's expense.