"I wanted them to really 'feel' the holiday."

Another Christmas has gone by and a New Year is on the horizon. I hope everyone enjoyed their Christmas and were blessed with family and friends. Unfortunately, this year, I spent the day in bed - sick.

Even without being sick, each year, during the holidays, I struggle. I know I'm not the only one who does, and it hasn't always been that way for me.

I remember as a young girl the excitement of waking up Christmas morning and running to see what gifts the jolly old St. Nick had brought to us. I don't remember knowing this, but photos from that time show we had a very modest, and many times small tree. There was none of the elaborate decorations one finds many times today. And, I don't really think there were that many presents - but, it never seemed that way. My parents made sure of it. We never did "without" and never felt like we were.

I don't remember exactly when it started, but one tradition I truly miss is decorating our Christmas sacks. Yes, I said sacks. Rather than spend money on Christmas stockings, our family took paper sacks and drew festive pictures on them along with our names so Santa would know which sack belonged to which child.

I wish we had kept some of them. I wish that tradition was continued today.

I remember my parents' home being full of people. There were always a lot around, after all, we came from a very large family. Just in our immediate family alone there were six children. Throughout the day grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, would begin to wander in.

There was a lot going on. There was a lot of noise. It was crowded to say the least. But it was also warm and fun.

Even though I don't like a lot of noise today, I miss that kind of noise.

I remember the smells of food cooking - wonderful home cooked meals. And there was always "room for one more" at the table.

Yes, there may have been a disagreement here and there, but it was always short lived. Family was what was important. Being together.

When I became a mother myself, the traditions were still ongoing at that time. I remember telling my three girls not to worry about Santa - he was a wise old elf and would find them wherever they might be. They did not have to be at our home for him to come.

It was all about family and being together.

Unfortunately, like many people, at some point in my life I began to struggle with the holidays. I don't remember exactly when it started, but I know it started. At first I tried to compensate for the pain the holidays brought me. Many years I would not only decorate, but over achiever could have been my name. Each room had a tree with a different theme.

I wanted so badly to keep from losing the spirit of Christmas. I wanted my children to savor and hang on to it as well - it was important.

It wasn't and isn't about how many presents are under the tree or how much each one of them cost. It's about family and being together. It's about Jesus and the story of His birth. I wanted them to really "feel" the holiday.

My greatest joy each year was not in the presents I opened from under the tree. It was watching others open their gifts. Their looks of delight, surprise... It warmed me to my soul. It helped keep me in the "spirit" of what it means to give rather than to receive. Each gift I purchased, I purchased wanting to know that it was truly something they wanted. I loved watching their reactions to each one.

As they grew and others did, too, everything changed. More family units were added. Some extended family was added. Everyone became more busy. Time was limited. It's not the same.

But then, I guess, it's not meant to stay the same. Everything in life changes. Sometimes for the better - sometimes not so much.

You do the best you can with the cards life has dealt to you. Do what you can to make the moments count.

I will always cherish those holidays from the past. Those times of noise and laughter. The times of warmth and family. They will be memories I will carry with me always.

I will also treasure the memories made today and those that will be made tomorrow. They are different to be sure, but they are memories to be treasured just the same.

Even though the holidays make me struggle - I still look to them searching for the "spirit" I know is still there. Like the rainbow after a storm - sometimes you just have to look a little harder.

It is my wish that you and yours make those memories count. Make the effort to be a part of the "spirit" of the holiday. Laugh, love, share - don't let life take that spirit away from you.

And as always, be blessed today, tomorrow and always.