Pay It Forward

Losing my daughter, Amanda, has been a journey I would not wish on anyone. My world has been shattered to say the least.

Each day, it feels like the movie "Groundhog Day". I get up - struggle to get motivated and head out the door, pushing myself to make it through another day that seems so much like the ones before.

My beautiful girl is gone from this earth. She was my oldest. My travel partner. My confidant. And the one who would "keep me straight" when I needed it.  The storm of grief that has followed has been unbearable at times.

My grandmother always told me in every storm - there is a rainbow. Sometimes, you just have to look a little harder for it.

I thought about this recently and wondered - how could there possibly be a rainbow when you have lost a part of your heart. Lost a part of your soul and your reason for being?

And then, it came to me.

My rainbow in this storm that has turned my world upside down is the people who have stepped forward to show their support.

Every day - I get messages. And the messages are designed to make me smile again - maybe even laugh. And guess what? Some days it works. It helps remind me I am still here.

I have gotten so many cards, flowers, and other little gifts of support, I have honestly been overwhelmed. Some from people I knew would be there and others from people I never dreamed would care. And even a few from some I really don't know.

The hugs.

The prayers.

I can't tell you how much they all mean to me.

Some I have talked to have been in my shoes. They have lost children, too. They have an understanding of the grief I am in now. And it helps to talk to them.

There are days I wonder if I can even continue on, and then like angels in waiting - someone appears helping me to get over the latest hurdle of sadness.

I honestly don't know what I would do without each and every one of you.

To say thank you seems so small for the support you have offered. But please know I will never forget what you each have given.

I have worked in Ulysses for almost five years now and many of the angels I am talking about are right here in this community. If you ever think you are alone - take a good look around. There are some really good people here who have the biggest hearts I have ever seen.

And isn't that what it's all about? Being there. If it's not, it should be.

There are none of us who are without challenges in this world. None of us who have not experienced pain and loss.

We should always find a way to weather whatever storm befalls us. More importantly, we should find ways to lend a shoulder or a helping hand to others when they are in the eye of the storm.

Recently a good Samaritan - Doug - stopped to lend me a helping hand with a blown tire. He told me someone had helped his kids when they needed help and he was "paying it forward". Just think of how our world would be - how much better, if we all "paid it forward" in whatever way we can.

I know that is what I plan to do. I will do what so many of you have done - I will reach out. I will pray. I will hug. I will listen. And if need be - I will send you something to make you smile.

I help you see you are still here and you still matter.