Life Continues: Don't Forget The Mother

On June 30, 2022, I gave birth to a beautiful, eight-pound, baby boy. The nine month buildup of anticipation had finally been released. Lachlan Cole was even more special and handsome than I could have imagined.

The day my second and last baby came into the world, I came into my thirties. I felt more empowered than ever, as a woman and a mother.

My fellow mothers will understand the honeymoon stage of having a baby. There are happy tears, smiles, gifts, and visitors. Everyone between staff, family, and friends is in awe of this new, tiny, human being. A million questions are being thrown your way.

“How much does he weigh?”

“Is he eating well?”

“How was the delivery?”

As happy as you are to talk about your bundle of joy, you’re exhausted. That exhaustion was a visitor that insisted on an extended stay.

Walking into my home after three days in the hospital, I was relieved, but scared. Although I’ve been a mother to my older son, Devynn, since 2011, taking an 11-year hiatus from babies had me feeling like a first-time mom all over again.

I became accustomed to a child that, for the most part, was self-sufficient. Now, I was back to the basics of changing diapers and feeding within all hours of the day and night. I was enthralled with the adventure of having a newborn.

Regardless, I still found myself crying uncontrollably on the couch every night. When I wasn’t crying, I wasn’t sleeping, because I was obsessing over something bad happening to my sweet, baby boy if I did fall asleep.

My plan since before Lachlan was born was to exclusively breastfeed. I was determined to be overstocked with liquid gold except, the milk was barely coming. My baby was not latching. I felt I let my entire family down.

I thought, “I said I would do this but, I am incompetent.”

Along with feeling like a failure, I wasn’t eating or practicing simple self-care such as showering. I substituted brushing my hair with putting it up in a tangled ponytail. The nightly crying continued. I had not slept in days due to anxiety over Lachlan’s wellbeing.

My newborn and I had our first checkup a week later. My husband and I were excited to see how much our little one had grown in such a small window of time. Still, I felt myself drifting away to somewhere sad, worrisome, and dark.

My doctor turned to me and asked, “How are you feeling, Meaghan?” Her face showed sincere concern. The tone and expression she held gave me the strength and courage to say, “I’m not doing okay.” Shortly thereafter, I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression and Anxiety (PPD/PPA).

Today, I am 10 months postpartum. I am not afraid to disclose I am on medication and attended therapy to manage my mental health. In doing so, I truly believe I saved my life. However, I am afraid for other mothers who may not have the same support or resources.

When I first started showing signs of PPD/PPA, I remember feeling like I was going insane. Had I not had a supportive spouse and medical team, I don’t know what condition I would be in right now. Writing this, I wanted to let other moms know they are not alone.

One in seven women (about 15 percent) of women experience PPD, according to marchofdimes.org. For friends, family, and spouses, watch out for signs such as feelings of shame and panic, mood swings, loss of appetite, loss of interest in normal hobbies, trouble bonding, and feelings of hurting oneself or the baby.

There is help available for moms and support systems experiencing symptoms. Contact your health providers including your primary doctor, prenatal doctor, and mental health provider. If you don’t feel comfortable reaching out to a professional, talk with someone you trust to help you find the right resources.

I would like to emphasize, you are not alone, and you are not crazy. As a new mom, you have gone through a lot of changes in a short period of time.

To the people who visit after delivery, we know the baby is hard not to spoil, but, please, don’t forget the mothers. Stop by often and lend an ear, a meal, or a break to get a shower or fresh air. Life continues after the celebrations end. Check on your fellow mamas and lift each other up.

The following are resources for postpartum mothers and their support systems:

Postpartum Support International: Call 1-800-944-4773 or text “HELP” to 800-944-4773 (971-203-7773 para Espanol).

Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call 988 or visit 988lifeline.org.

The Village (Serves women in Wichita and South Central Kansas.): Call 316-272-0072 or email information@thevillageict.com