I Remember The Light Of My Life

I remember...

It was December 28, 1983. I had the sudden urge to bake pies from scratch - yes, from scratch. Rolling out the dough, making the filling, etc. etc. I was nine months pregnant at the time and my mother told me - "you're going to the hospital tonight". I replied, "no, I just feel like making pies". Before the night was done I had made 15 pies. What I didn't realize is that it was an omen of what was yet to come.

I remember...

Later that night, I woke thinking I needed to go to the bathroom. I was also experiencing some "cramping". Probably too much information, but as this was my first child, I took care of business and then panic set in - did I just send my newborn for a swim? I finished my business, realized it was okay, but also realized it was time to go. I went to the hospital and they told me to go home and wait until the contractions got closer together and harder. As they were already feeling like they were cutting me in half, I wondered if they really knew what they were doing.

I remember...

Here comes the omen. When I returned to the hospital I ended up being in labor for 15 hours - one hour for each pie I had baked. The doctor finally said they would need to do a C-section. So to the operating room I went.

I remember...

When I first heard your cry and saw your beautiful face I was enamored. This precious, beautiful little girl was mine. I cried - tears of joy that only a new mother could understand. A name was already picked out - Amanda, from the Waylon Jennings song, "Amanda - Light of my life". Your middle name was a creation of your Aunt Sharon - Tynae.

I remember...

Later on, you already showed your business smarts by forming an agreement with your little sisters. You would clean the room you shared with them and they would pay you with toys, money - whatever they had so they wouldn't have to help.

I remember...

A time when I was a single parent and I left you and your sisters with the man I was dating at the time to run an errand. When I returned, you were walking down the sidewalk carrying your little red, "going to grandma's suitcase". I asked where you were going and you said, "I'm running away." I asked you if you would like to eat something first and you said "yes", came back inside and everything was okay. Later on you and your sisters decided the man I was dating needed to "cool off" a bit and pushed him in to the swimming pool at a birthday party - with all his police uniform and all on. Needless to say, I got the message and the relationship didn't work out.

I remember...

When I came home from work and your little sister, Samantha, was hysterical. You told her she was a snipe and if she got poked with a fork she would die. You, of course, poked her with a fork.

I remember...

When you and your sisters were all three in the Miss Hooker pageant and you were chosen as Miss Congeniality.  I will never forget the smile on your face when they called your name - it truly lit up the room. You looked so beautiful in your "sparkly dress".

I remember...

When you were selected to apply for the Oklahoma School of Science and Math for your junior and senior year of high school. You asked if you could and I said, yes. When your response came in the mail I handed it to you. You let out a holler and then started to cry. They had sent you an acceptance letter. You asked if you could go, I said "yes", and you cried again. I asked what was wrong, and you said, "I didn't think you would let me." It was a hard decision - the school was in Oklahoma City, but they assured me students weren't allowed to leave campus without a school representative - their car keys were even taken away. Later, you would "jokingly" call it the "prison school".  I told you, if it was important to you, it was important to me as well. And, that you had earned it. After all, you had been helping with your little sisters. I depended on you so much.

I remember...

The day you told me you wanted to have your last name legally changed to honor your grandpa.

I remember…

The times you took part in the Grassland Gunfighter shows – you played the part of Cactus Annie and took your role very seriously.

I remember...

The love between you and your siblings. The joking, the fighting, being there when one called. All that said yes, we are family.

I remember...

The day you called to say, "guess what famous person your daughter told they had to put some pants on?" Not sure what my response should be to that I finally said, "who" and "why were you saying that?" You told me Emmitt Smith from the Dallas Cowboys. Mr. Smith had come to the camp you were working at to ride horses and he had on shorts. The rule was you had to wear pants when riding the horses. You told me that your co-workers whispered to you, "don't you know who that is?" And you replied, "I don't care who it is, a rule is a rule and he has to put on some pants."

I remember ...

The first time you introduced me to sushi. You gave me what you called wasabi and said "you should try it". It wasn't until I already had it in my mouth and looked up that I saw your ornery face. It was hot and I immediately was spitting it out and reaching for water.

I remember...

The day you told me about an experiment you had for a class. You were to dress all in black and go out in to the community. You could not believe the stares and whispers you got because of your appearance.

I remember....

Your talent for making crafts. You could take nothing and make something out of it - every time.

I remember...

The father-daughter dinner when you were little. You were so upset because you thought you would be the only one there without someone. Your grandpa drove two hours to be there, and you were the happiest little girl there.

I remember...

Your graduation from Oklahoma State University with honors. President George T. Bush was your commencement speaker. It was such a proud day.

I remember...

You attending the Oklahoma State University School Of Veterinary Medicine. You worked hard and made it through three years. Then you met a boy and your studies went by the way side. Your step daughter, Kiana was soon to be born. I remember our talk about it and you told me, "mom, I have a family to think about now. That is my focus." And so it was.

I remember...

The care and countless hours you spent braiding Kiana's hair. You were so proud to be that little girl's step momma. Later on, I helped as you put a lot of love and care in to picking out the theme of her bedroom. Pink and brown and a whole lot of princess.

I remember...

The joy and pride you had in each of your boys: Connor, Daegan and Eamon, and step-daughter Kiana. You worked so hard to make sure costumes and other projects were just right for school events. You were there when they were involved in any event - video taping and smiling with the pride only a parent knows.

I remember...

When your dad, Mike, and you worked on the floor joists at your home. He was just your "assistant". You did the planning and a lot of the work. How did you know how to work on floor joists? You googled it of course.

I remember...

When you went on the trip to Florida with me and my high school friends. We made some very spe-cial memories that I will cherish forever. You loved gathering sea shells and sand. You had brought Kiana’s underwater camera and were so excited to try and get some photos. You were holding the camera under the water and the ocean took it out to sea. I had to stop you from going after it.

I remember ...

Our trip to Boston to watch your Aunt Jessica run in the Boston Marathon. We talked about going to Phantom of the Opera but didn't make it. We went on a whale watch but there were no whales that day. We received "rain checks for the whale watch to use whenever we returned. You would not let me forget that you still knew where your ticket was while I had lost mine.

I remember….

When you went to the Renaissance Festival with me. You and all your family dressed the part to get on the pirate stage for the costume contest.

I remember...

When you discovered the horse, Lightning, that had thrown me was not a "Clydesdale" as you put it, but a Shetland pony. You have never let me forget it.

I remember....

The day you came to work with me at the newspaper. January 2025 was not a good month for me and you stepped up to make sure the paper went on as usual. You wrote your first column, "Murphy's Law", and I was so very proud of you. You worked hard. You were my right hand. You took to selling ads, graphic design, and all parts of the newspaper business like you had been doing it all your life.

I remember...

Your talent for ballroom dancing, singing, and being the peace maker. Your talent. Your laugh. Your faith in God. Your smile. Your beautiful hair. Your big heart. Your love of family. Your sensitivity. Your determination and your willpower.

I remember...

Your stubbornness. Who will I have to argue with me now? Your presence will be missed forever. It will never be the same without you here. I will remember you forever my beautiful, loving daughter. My Amanda - you were the light of my life, and you were and always will be a diamond - never a cubic zirconia.